Courtney;; February 13, 1997 - June 27, 2011

Baby girl;
I don't get why it had to be you. Never have and never will. Courtney you was like my sister and I want to see you one last time. Baby girl I was wanting see you this summer. You've been on my mind 24/7 this whole summer and I've been wanting to see you and make MORE memories with you. Now it sucks because it has to be at the cemetery. I don't want to do anything. I truly wanna stay in my room 24/7 and never leave. I've seen you 5 or 6 times since everything happened. Everything has gone wrong since all this crap happened. Gosh I hate it Courtney. I wish I could snap and you be back here. I hate everything right now. I don't want anything to go wrong anymore but every time I turn around everything is going down hill. I have a little journal I write in every day. I've missed 4 days since the funeral and 2 days before the funeral. I'm so depressed and I won't let it show. I turn everything into anger and I hate it but that's how I am. You know that. You know me more than anyone in this world. Now I feel lost because my backbone is in half. Not only that. My heart is pieces; the pieces are in pieces. I feel weird anywhere now. I just wanna be alone 24/7 and everyone thinks I need to get out but I don't want to. I wanna be alone away friends. I know if I go somewhere something will remind me of you and I'll get down and hate the time I'm with people. I fake smiles when people are around. I hate to but I hate letting true emotions show. Everyone seems okay with everything now, but I'm not. I don't know how to move on and no amount of medicine or people or care or anything will ever help me with any of this. I just need music, memories, alone time, peace, and knowing you here. No one gets it Courtney. No one:( I wish I could go back to June 17, 2011 and invite you to the house two weekends from that so you would still be here. I love you! You will ALWAYS be Aunt Courtney to my kids. I'ma tell them all about my best friend/sister. Sooner or later I'ma find out how to tell Bobby. I can't really find the words to describe you right now. I end up crying. Like now. But baby girl I know you're happy in heaven with Alex and Jordan and you and Alex singing to Jordan playing y'alls favorite song on the guitar. RiPbAbYgIrL. Gone but NEVER fOrGoTtEn<3 You always gonna be my #1 little sister<3
Love,
Your big sister;
Hannah <3

CEE*&&*HLW;;bff*&&*bsf<3
Courtney E. Evans *&&* Hannah L. West;; best friends forever *&&* best sisters forever<3

Forever ain't too long

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfdAGkjHGac

So I sit and look at pictures thinking about you and I realize how we was BEST friends we was and I miss it! I would die to have it back that way! Why can we be BEST friends again? You act as if you don't even know me but you do the same stuff you did with me with her, I miss it, I miss you, I miss having a good time with you and hearing your voice/laugh/&goodol'hugs! You promised me BEST friends FOREVER! What happened to that? I guess forever ain't as long as it should be. :'(

ps. iloveyou

Just A Dream -Nelly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6O2ncUKvlg&ob=av2e
I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.

Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.


This song means sooo much to me. I love it. Yes it's about a guy missing a girl but in my case it's about me missing a guy. Well I guess you could say me and him miss each other. One day I was listening to 93.7 and he was to and we was texting and he said "What station are you on?" I said "B93.7. Why?" when I said that Just A Dream was JUST coming on and he said "This song reminds me of you. I miss and love you....Not just you...Us" I crieeeeed! We still ain't together and I don't know when we will be but I know that me and him still love each other. ilyUnnamed.

Sooooooooo

Life is a big word . It has it’s ups and downs but when you look at the BIG picture , God made it , he made it for a reason and there is a reason you are in it. It is hard, yes I wont argue with that comment , unlike other comments . Ha ha , if you know me you know that is a true statement , XD . Anyways , I don’t know why all this came to my head tonight , we went to my MawMaw’s and when we left I was riding in the truck with Mama , I was being serious , I wasn’t laughing , I wasn’t smiling nothing . I don’t know why , then my Granny that died last year on March 20th came in my mind , I don’t know why , well then Mama rode by her house then more stuff came in my mind , I just got really upset just didn’t want anyone to see me weak , I just held my head up and sang music to get my mind off of it , well it didn’t work . The more I sang music the more I wanted to cry , so I stopped singing , well about that time my aunt came by in her car and Mama turned around and went to her house (which is my Granny’s old house) and we was sitting out in the truck talking to her and my uncle . Well I got to thinking again and I about cried but I held it in , I seen the washer and drier door open and I started to think of the days and nights that I seen Granny out there doing her clothes , then I looked in the window and I remembered her sitting there talking to me when I was little and how we would talk about anything while we was waiting on The Price Is Right to come back on , (: well then I started to remember how I got older and didn’t see her so much . Wish I would’ve to , I could’ve if I wanted to , I mean I wanted to but I didn’t and I don’t know why . I just feel like I didn’t spend my share of time with her , I feel like I should’ve spent more time with her . And man it kills me to know I didn’t . ): No one knows how much it kills me . And then the last time I saw her before she died I don’t even remember if I told her I loved her . That is the thing that kills me the most . Even if I did I still want her here , I want her back where I can hug her and tell her I love her and hear her tell me she loves me . ):

<33>

Movie

I have not blogged in a LONG time. But last night I went to Greenville with my church to see a movie. The movie was called To Save A Life. It was REALLY touching. It will make you stop and think about how you treat people. I think everyone needs to see this movie because it will change their life forever if they have a heart. This movie is just so awesome. You will have to see it to believe it. Check it out. Anyway i'm outtt.

So far...

So far i guess u culd say life is goin ok. yea me n mama fite sometimes. but hay ima teenager n she is the mother what r we gonna do just sit there n look @ each other like we r stupid. i hav had my heart broken wit in a month n healed with in a month! idk christian just hit me rele hard! wat he said made me realize that i dnt need to sit and cry all day b/c of a guy! (he added other than him! lol!) but i have learned alot with my life now days! u can trust ppl just get to kno them 1st n dnt jump 2 conclusions. i guess tht is all! duces yall!

Hannah Westside

Schools Out!

It is really happening! School is out! I can not believe it! Friday I took my camera to school to get last minute pictures with everyone right? Well that was all good until I lost it when me and my daddy went to the dumpster thing! I wanted to cry! That had all the pictures of my last day of 7th grade! I wanted to cry!After school this guy, Kinson (he is like my big brother!), came up to me and gave me the biggest hug that I had got ALL day and started cryin and said, "Don't forget me, Hannah! Don't forget my number! I love you little sis!" I got in the car about to cry and my Daddy asked me What was the matter with me and I just told him nothing and we drove off! Then we got home and I was lookin for my camera and I could not find it and I started freakin out and then started thinkin about how ALMOST EVERYONE was cryin and I started! So really Friday was not a good day! I wish I could go back and FIND my camera! I will miss SOME of the people frim this past year! I love yall!